Novacaine
by TheInflictedFinger
Summary: Narusasu mm yaoi. As time wears on, the story of Naruto is retold. Full of angst, suicidal tendencies, and split personalities and pain hidden deep inside. Its only a matter of time until it breaks from it's cage and surfaces to finish what it started...
1. Chapter 1

Suicide is something that never happened in Konoha. Not because there weren't depressed people, not because it was unheard of, but simply because it was considered the weakest form in which to die, and the death was not mourned, not was the person considered a hero. It was a quiet, disappointed funeral with only the closest family, and in a city dominated by fighting and honor, suicide just was not an option.

Except for one person who was decidedly out of the 'circle' that was considered human or honorable. That boy was Naruto, the vessel of the feared and reverred fox demon, Kyubi. The boy was meant to be a hero in their eyes, enduring the stomach pains and hardships of having to share a body with an evil spirit. Instead, people feared him, hated him, and utterly shattered his hopes, dreams, confidence, and happiness. There was no Naruto, there was no Kyubi vessel, there was only the demon himself reincarnated in a small loudmouthed annoying blonde's body. A nuisance, a pest, and something that was only tolerated because there were severe consquences if the law not followed.

No one was punished, though, for insulting him without physical harm. No one was punished for causing severe mental scars and depression in a small boy. No one was punished for dehumanizing the demon boy. No, it was accepted and encouraged and passed down through their children. A never ending cycle of hate, horror, and pain for one so small. As he grew, he developed the habit of gaining attention through performing the most horrendous acts for someone of his age and social status. Defacing reverred statues and insulting the elderly and speaking back when spoken to. He had no restraint, no cooth, and everyone blamed it on the demon. The demon boy had obviously embraced it and was carrying on the legacy of destroying Konoha.

As time progressed, this demon boy named Naruto made a foolproof mask, a mask that was the exact image of what the villagers wanted to see, needed to see, because he was so different and more powerful. But beneath lurked a darkness, wounds so deep they couldn't be seen even with the kindest souls, like Umino Iruka. Depression bottled up and pushed aside only to be let out when inside the small dark apartment. Around Iruka, he wasn't a monster, he was a normal boy, albiet an annoying and troublesome one. It was already known that there was something other than himself lurking beneath what Naruto assumed was a ornate scar on his stomach. A large, horrendous creature with great power and even worse, whenever he slept or allowed himself to relax, his mask to be let down, the creature could communicate with him and fill his head with iamges of death and rot and destruction so horrendous it would make veteran shinobis blanch.

The boy knew death better than anyone in the village, he didn't embrace it because as hated and despised as he was, he craved life, and feared the alternative. This creature inside of him, this monster, it craved death. Not only for the villagers, but for itself. Strangely, when Naruto was small, the creature would talk to him late at night when he cried, not in a particularly kindly manner, though not grisly memories involving death either. The different seals and chakra controls he learned by age seven. Nothing ornate, mind you, just the basics, something to keep the kid occupied and on his feet. There was no kinship to be shared with Kyubi, only a strange kind of comfort that there was something even more despised than him in the world.

It also made social relationships particularly difficult when entering school. All the other children at first treated him like any other child, until the open houses and parent teacher conferences and other social events involving his class and their elders. The aura of hate and vehement whispers trailed after him and eventually caught on. Then the children became violent.

Naruto would drag himself home daily, covered in ugly bruises and sluggishly bleeding scratches created by nails. He was immune to no one, the pain staining his young mind and forever creating the scene associated with school into a cause of alarm.

Kyubi always urged him to kill, to bathe in the blood of his offenders and have revenge. But the blonde had no self confidence, no malice, just hurt and loneliness and a strange satisfaction in the pain because it was associated with attention.

Pushing himself over the limits to reach a level above his classmates was his dream and his one goal that he couldn't be distracted from. Naruto trained constantly, fondly dwelling on the memories of pain and exhaustion that distracted him, and fueled his desire to become stronger.

But he failed, again and again. Not because he wasn't good enough, but because his nerves around others were impossible to overcome. The dozens of eyes filled with hate and distrust zeroed in on him when inside the classroom. It didn't matter if it was Iruka sensei or anyone else, the blonde had learned to keep his head down, but his increased chakra level thanks to the Kyubi, always saw the edges of the person's aura that outlined the chakra. The main color he saw when they looked at him was black, then there was crimson. Hate and fear.

But finally, finally came the year when he was determined to pass. A Hyuuga girl named Hinata, had a snowy white and light pink aura, with tinges of crimson, but not in a bad way. She was obviously as unused to people and shy as Naruto. The white was purity, she was almost completely unexposed to pain or bloodshed, but the light pink signaled a still sore wound, though she radiated kindness.

Naruto instantly remembered to respect and be kind to her. A girl named Sakura..she had the strangest aura he had ever seen. Naruto's blue eyes followed her from the time she entered the classroom from there one. She caught him staring and snapped rudely at him. Unaffended, Naruto flushed and smiled bashfully, ignoring her aura of hate. She had practically a RAINBOW aura. So many conflicting emotions and stress, it almost seemed there were two people there were so many emotions and thoughts going on at once all the time.

The boy she had obviously become obsessed was was a boy named Uchiha Sasuke. Naruto flinched at his aura, deep bottomless black that matched his starless eyes and hair. On the edges of the aura was pink, but there was no trace of white as there had been in Hinata. The boy was a walking source of despair and pain, and it hurt to look at him. Naruto had to squint just at a glance, and Sakura took it as a glare.

Everyone's aura in this class was engrossing, obviously more evolved and interesting than the last class he had attended and failed. Naruto felt a kinship with these people, even if they did hate him, and he would pass, if just to watch their auras develope.

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Ive started a new story..woohooo... Tired of Hating sequel will come later I guess...And Ive been getting more angry reviews from people who tell me Naruto's not the only one in pain...I know this. Its painfully obvious, and don't fret, I've noticed. But I usually write about the main character for one reason, Im used to him being the main character, I know his personality best ((even if I change it juuusttt a litttllee :XD) so its easier to write about him, and it doesn't seem so weird like if he was just a side character or something. No offense, its fun, but when I write multichapter stories I just like having Naruto as the main character. If you don't like it, Im sorry, but its just how I write.

Reviews please.. 


	2. Addiction

From thereon, he created an different personality reserved specially to put on as soon as he exited his apartment. It slipped slightly when Sasuke suddenly decided to leave, to betray everyone.

Naruto was painfully disappointed and strangely hurt. Sasuke's aura had just began to lighten, to warm from the pitch black of its original form. Naruto had genuinely liked him...maybe more than he should have. Just this once...he would show his true self, if only to retrieve the one person he cared for...more than a friend.

Months later, things were awkward, but solved. Sasuke was back in the village under strict survelliance, and Orochimaru was dead, along with his henchman.

Naruto's cover was blown. That young boy, was dead. The blonde, now five foot six, considerably taller than he had been just a couple years ago, was still shorter than almost all the people his age, but his face was a mask of indifference and cold calculation. The villagers no longer openly insulted him. There was fear, greater fear than there had been before.

The demon boy had singlehandedly slain Orochimaru and all of his henchmen, permanently staining his hands with blood and becoming a murderer. He was unaffected, and they just couldn't seem to accept it, but he had seen it every night in his dreams for years, when it finally became a reality, he accepted it without question.

Now even Shikamaru and Neji along with Kiba avoided him...he was considered insane, a jounin on edge. Not a anbu, because Tsunade refused to harden him further. It was too late, he had tried to tell her, but she refused to be swayed..

"H-hello Naruto kun.."A soft voice called out from his left.

The blonde raised his head, and allowed a genuine smile to grace his scarred features."Hinata chan! I thought you were on a mission with Neji?.."

Relieved to see he didn't reject her, the woman jogged forward and stopped a few feet away shyly, not meeting his eyes. Blue eyes drank in her aura hungrily, still pure and kind, a relief to the constant black that seemed to follow him everywhere now.

"We completed it early.."Hinata smiled, flush deepening, obviously happy that he had noticed she was gone.

Naruto's smile gentled. It was so painstakingly obvious that she had feelings for him. But Naruto knew he couldn't taint her innocence, he was evil worse off than Sasuke. As if on cue, the darkhaired shinobi walked from a grocery store located across the street from them, bell ringing behind him as he balanced a single bag of groceries in his arms and started off, stopping dead when he spotted Naruto and Hinata.

Hinata looked back and forth between them, sensing the tension before hastily stuttering a goodbye and fleeing. Naruto reluctantly tore his eyes from her aura and flinched at the sight of Sasuke's all-consuming ice-prince bottomless-pit of an aura.

Features hardening and growing cold, the blonde eyed Sasuke in seeming casual distaste before turning to leave. Sasuke cursed, turning and striding to keep up with the shorter man.

"Dobe, wait up."

Naruto resisted the urge to...Kyubi instantly came forth, salivating and snarling as he clawed at the bars of the cage, sensing the bloodlust and anger eminating from his host.

The mental image of Naruto glared at Kyubi, eyes growing red and slitted before the beast cried out in pain and frustration as it's left paw imploded, blood spraying the blonde's face. He merely smirked and licked it away before returning to reality.

Sasuke glanced curiously down at his rival's face, watching closely as the blonde licked the corner of his mouth with a distant expression vaguely reflecting smug satisfaction.

As if sensing the other's gaze, Naruto's eyes shifted to his, then flinched away. Sasuke frowned, adjusting the groceries once more.

"The Hokage has been asking for you."

Naruto didn't react, instead he turned the corner and fished the house key's from his pocket. Sasuke sighed impatiently and glared fiercely into the other's back as he climbed the stoop to his apartment and pushed the key into the lock, glancing coldly over his shoulder at the unwelcome guest.

"What do you want, Uchiha?"He questioned emotionlessly, lock clicking as he turned the key.

Sasuke sighed again in frustration and set the bag of groceries on the stoop, glaring fiercely."Idiot, I think you heard me the first time. Im not your babysitter, Uzamaki-"

"No, you're just Tsunade's lacky." Naruto replied with a sigh, pushing the dented door inward and tossing his headband onto the armchair in the small livingspace before he walked in and shut the door behind himself.

The blonde waited when he got in the kitchen, closing his eyes and waiting for Sasuke to come after him. Sasuke hesitated, hand raised, before he growled angrily and violently snatched up his bag of necessities, stalking away and ignoring the lovestruck gazes of the female population of Konoha.

Naruto slumped again the counter, rubbing his temples tiredly before straightening to enter the hallway. A black, veiled in deep green and browns caused him to pause in suprise before smirking in recognition.

"What brings you here, Kakashi sensei?"He asked casually, leaning against the frame of the room and raising his eyes to the other's mismatched gaze.

Kakashi returned the smirk and stood, scratching the back of his head with a fake sheepish grin,"The same reason as Sasuke I suppose. You know you should show the Hokage some respect, Naruto kun."

"She already knows my answer."

The other's smile was gone now, replaced by an expressionless stare that Naruto returned without hesitation."Maybe you should reconsider your answer."

"No."

Silence reigned in the apartment, till it was broken by a tired sigh from the older."Naruto, why are you being this way.."He slumped once more into a overstuffed couch, slinging an arm carelessly over the armrest as he regarded his former student.

Naruto smiled humorlessly, not joining Kakashi,"why would it matter to you, Kakashi SENSEI? I'll tell you the same thing I told her, don't pretend to give a shit about me, just leave me alone and let me live my life as I would live it. I don't need kid gloves, or any other 'special' attention. I get plenty of that from the villagers."

Kakashi winced and turned his attention to the couch,"The Hokage and I aren't the only ones concerned, you're giving Iruka grew hair."

The blonde's expression softened slightly, and Kakashi returned his gaze, sensing that he was on more stable ground.

"I haven't talked to Iruka sensei in long time."

"Well maybe you should make time for it, he's going insane cleaning the house constantly saying he's getting ready just in case you decide to stop by. Its maddening." Kakashi ran a gloved hand through his silver hair with a fond smile.

Grudgingly, Naruto sat down opposite of his former teacher in the armchair, ignoring the dull clunk of his headband as it slipped off to the hardwood floor.

"So, how have things been going?"

Kakashi hesitated before straightening, patting his pocket where his stash of porn was hidden,"Same old same old. No new books out yet."

Naruto rolled his eyes,"I mean with you and Iruka."

Sobering slightly, Kakashi suddenly looked tired and old,"like I said, Iruka is half insane with worry for you, he's been getting angry really easy lately."

The blonde winced guiltily, twisting his shirt sleeve in one hand."I'll try to remember to stop by tomorrow sometime."

"I thought you had a mission tomorrow?"Kakashi cut in, looking confused.

"I said that so you guys would stop asking me out of pity."

The silverhaired shinobi looked slightly irrated,"no, Iruka told me to ask you because he wanted to see you! Plus all of your friends-"

"They aren't my friends."

Kakashi opened his mouth as if to argue once more, than snapped it shut and stood abruptly, stuffing one hand in his pocket as he sauntered past his former student,"Im not your father Naruto..And I try not to pretend to be... But that doesn't mean Im not allowed to worry about you..." And with that, the door shut to Naruto's back, leaving his alone once more in his near-empty apartment.

"Shit.."He whispered hoarsely,"why do they have to care.."  
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You asked for an update..behold! and review..-shifty eyes-


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